As I may have mentioned recently Iâ€™m having a few problems with my weight.
I always wondered at what point you say to yourself â€œGod, I got fat!â€ and stop eating cakes and curries every day.
I fear this time is fast approaching. I was standing, uninspired, in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket earlier. Nothing really appealed. Then I noticed the cakes and pies at the other end and made a mad dash. I picked up a pie and said to myself: â€œDo not buy this blueberry pie. Put it down!â€ I bought it and had two very fat slices after dinner. Before supper.
I am getting worried. Sometimes I can feel my facial features sinking into my face as I eat. I know I have crossed a line. Gone are the days when my belly would shift back into place with the twang of a hidden muscle. Gone is the time when I could separate a take out curry into two modest portions, saving one for a rainy day. Even Frisbee sized naans no longer fill me up.
Is it this country? Marriage? The kid? My age? Itâ€™s this damn country, it must be! There are far too many delicious things to eat everywhere I look. When I arrived my trousers were a respectable 32â€ in the waist. An English 32â€ at that. I recently discovered that clothing manufacturers over here add a couple of inches of slack so we donâ€™t feel quite as bad about ourselves as we should. This meant I gained an awful lot of poundage before I realized what was going on. I was still a 32â€ so how much could I have gained? The answer came when I tried on a pair of English 32â€ trousers and nearly tore them in half.
I find myself in quite a pickle now. I canâ€™t exercise (it bores me too much) and I canâ€™t cut down on food (it is too delicious). And I am still growing. This is a recipe for a blubbery disaster and I donâ€™t like it one little bit. I donâ€™t want to be a fat dad.
One of these days Iâ€™ll get on this, I promise, honest. For now, Iâ€™ve made a small concession; I eat salad for lunch every day. I pepper it with avocados and eggs and I dowse it with an oily vinaigrette, but as they say at British Petroleum, itâ€™s a start.