Amityville Horror

Once a visit my mother likes to subject me to some random act of torture. This year it was a trip to the beach, my most hated of places. To make it worse, I went out with my dad the night before and drank for England. And to make it even worse still, it was my morning to get up with Billy. I got a miserably feeble 4 hours of sleep. Apparently when my dad woke up he “looked like a corpse.” We’d been to Freddy’s and watched some country music.

This train journey was the highlight:

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When we arrived at our destination, Amityville, we discovered there was nothing to do and nowhere to go. The town beach is private and the train station is situated in a typically suburban setting in Long Island. AKA hell.

We got a taxi to Bayshore, a marina for boating enthusiasts/chubby republicans. I sat on the boardwalk and sulked like a little child. The wretched sand blew over me and saturated me. Mum, dad and Heidi made the most of the microscopic beach.

Billy did a shit on the sand.

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Good boy.

My dad and I tried to sleep but I was afflicted by my restless leg syndrome and spent my time twitching my legs cursing the day my mother was born.

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In the end my mum got her wish and showed Billy a good time

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The Bronx Zoo

As a way of avoiding the beach I went with my parents to the Bronx Zoo. I would NEVER have gone there under any other circumstances. As my mum is so fond of pointing out, I prefer to stay within my comfort zone. 11215, Brooklyn. Going elsewhere is just frivolous as far as I am concerned. I’ve got everything I need round here. Why tempt fate?

Here is a brief summary of the day:

Train ride, long.
Walk, short and a bit scary.
Zoo, big and circuitous.
Animals, scarce.
Cost, blood and sand.
Food, yikes.
Gorillas, lazy.
Train ride, long.
Home, good. So good.

Here is a picture of the “World of Darkness.” Sadly, it was a bit too dark to actually see anything

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Billy and a goat (or something)

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Billy eats his lunch

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A handsome mallard

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Billy eyes the wildy exciting Gorillas

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