‘lol’ has got to be the most irritating linguistic innovation since ‘ditto’. No amount of usage is ever going to make it okay; these things are dead ducks from the off.

There is cute and there is damned annoying and the trick is to know the difference. Funnily enough the term cute is itself damned annoying but a force beyond my control has me using it all the time. This means it has stuck and I won’t look back in 10 years and think what a plank I must have been in the noughties.

Well I might, but not for that particular reason.

When I get a ‘lol’ in an email I picture an annoying fat guy cupping his colossal gut as if the seams are seconds from bursting and his gizzards are about to spill all over his office cubicle floor.

Is a ‘lol’ really a measured response to an innocuous query, a half-baked anecdote or a confession of weekend dalliances?

When was the last time you truly LAUGHED OUT LOUD? Maybe you are the jolly type and you do it all the time. If you are anything like me, you’ll have no recollection of such an event. Give me a few beers and a good comedy and I’ll puff out a muffled squawk. Perhaps. But laughing out loud? Inconceivable.

You textomaniac brits have a semi-plausible excuse I suppose, with your thumb injuries from texting (pathetic by the way). Us Americans have no such excuse; our fingers are far too pudgy to be texting anyone, and besides, it is not our preferred method of communication. It is just as easy for us to type out such assurances as: ”that was very funny my good friend,” or: “Jeez Louise you’re a funny guy!” or if we are feeling lazy: “how droll.”

Write whatever you like, anything but those 3 irritating letters. They even look annoying, a dumpy loop bracketed by two inflexible paddles. How freakin’ cute! NOT.

PLEASE: Think before you ‘lol’.

[As I was writing this last night a very sweet girl from Wisconsin ‘lolled’ on a previous comment. I felt so bad I didn’t post the entry—well I’ve decided what the heck, it’s my problem not yours, ‘lol’ all you like and please try to forgive this cantankerous old git]

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I’ve been using this site on and off to buy music for coming up to 2 years now. You get about 10 albums for $10 (you pay by bandwidth so if you download music at a higher quality it costs more). It is Russian and I feel sure it is dodgy in some way but it never goes away and I’ve never heard anyone mention them.

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